5.

The discovery of my figure’s 5-shape was just another moment when I resented the way I am. The way that my head is leveled out at top. It seems that I’m always thinking about the way to understand something or to see it new. But then that awkward, seemingly misplaced rounded curvy shape that brings my feet down to earth from my head in the clouds. My figure 5 has left me wondering and searching. I love the curved shape of my environment; the every-which-way direction given by those around me and the things we engage in together. And when I make it to the bottom of this curved slope of engagement, I have no desire to continue to explore. I feel myself resigning to process what I have observed.

This seemingly unbalanced split between thinking thinking thinking and enjoying and investigating everything around me creates a shape of a person who cannot be split and boiled down to either a people person or a loner, the girl who loves to party or the girl who loves to read. There is no line of symmetry for my figure 5, no matter which way you cut me.

I will never curve all around others waiting to help them with balance as an afterthought like my friends the 2’s. You most likely won’t find me consistently standing morally upright with my head held high in the confidence of making the right decision like the 1’s. I will never go out of my way stretching myself in ways I shouldn’t be stretched to meet your standards in the way a 3 may. How about the nauseating and envied stability of an 8, somehow always eager to speak up without losing their balance, or the unpredictability of the sudden and spontaneous, direct and seemingly committed ways of the 7?

Yes, I realize these are gross oversimplifications but you get the point.

A 5 Is a 5, Is a 5.

Sitting on the number line of quick passing judgments, some notice my curviness, excited to discuss and engage with others. The assumption is that I am some sort of high-strung people-person drooling at the idea of spending all hours of the night in large group discussions.  

In reality, I’d rather sit with you in a quiet place where we can hear each other out.

I’d rather watch the world around me unfold than hastily unwrap it myself.

And I’ll probably always please my boss who seeks efficiency and consistency more than I please you.

Some see the thinker, the straight top line, the woman who loves making space for wonder to strike. And, so assume I want to lock myself in a dark room to think.

In reality, I’d rather talk to you about something you love than sit in silence.

I’d rather explore the world around me than isolate myself for eternity.

And even with this conflicting desire for exploration, I will still need a break and you probably won’t understand.

Yes, a break. Give me that dark silent room for one minute… Or make it 5.

Seriously though, have you ever noticed how the 5 is balanced by one point? Hitting that

O

N

E

point on the balance beam of health and wealth is a dream for my figure 5.

I wouldn’t be much of a 5 if I didn’t at least try the balancing act. I’d start to resemble some other number. I’d lose my shape and maybe start to look like that harried, darting two different directions at once 7.

So, I take breaks.

Not because I hate you.

Not because I abhor spending time with you.

And not because I’m some cold hearted Cruella Del Vil, squashing the fun of those around me, refusing to take in your unrepeatable beauty, seeking to spend my days alone in a dark room wondering if the universe will ever rise up to meet me.

I am a 5 dammit. I re-order my schedule. I loosen my schedule. I tighten my schedule. Did I say I know myself? I keep trying. Trying to hit that balance point.

My figure itself doesn’t resemble the boxiness you desire on this line of quick passing judgment. No matter how much I’ve squeezed and sucked in, my figure 5 won’t fit into any other. My figure 5 jeans fit just right, but only when I stop sucking in my infatuation with other people and squeezing out the tendency to want to think. I love my splitting rhythm the way you love me in my figure 5 jeans. I am a lover of books and of people, habitual guest of coffee shops and of clubs, repeat offender of being “too sensitive” and “too blunt”. My head may be in the clouds and I may find great pleasure in the swooping, grounding curve of love of those around me, but I can guarantee you that I will somehow find that balance point. That is just what 5’s do.